The war of the noses: Has the radish been robbed?
We all love building snowmen, don’t we?
Young or old, rich or poor, it’s a joyous activity that anyone can get their teeth into. Unless of course you’re reading this from an exotic desert island, in which case you have our deepest, most solemn sympathies. Not.
And for all those of us lucky enough to partake in snowman building this year, there tends to be a very specific, regimented formula when it comes to putting our frosty friends together. The typical face, in particular, is made up of three main elements:
1. Two eyes, made from stones, buttons or dates.
2. A smiling mouth, made from smaller stones or raisins.
3. A carrot nose.
The typical modern snowman, in all its glory.
It’s this third element – the carrot – that this blog is about. Because it seems odd to us (a 100% impartial source) that the carrot should be the only vegetable in the conversation. Is there a good reason for that? Is the carrot really the best option in the larder?
A scientific breakthrough
Well, according to the experts, no. Having spoken to scholars at Yule University (who are totally real academics and definitely not Digital Radish employees dressed up in white lab coats) we’ve been informed of a very intriguing breakthrough indeed. The breakthrough that the ACTUAL best option for any snowman’s nose is…would you believe it?…the humble radish.
Yule University’s Dr Adish (above) and her team have identified 3 key factors for why the radish deserves the job…
Factor 1: Shape variety
Heightened unpredictability
With a radish – much like a human nose– you never know what kind of shape you’ll get. This adds a real sense of adventure and individuality to every snowman you build.
Factor 2: Dangle time
Approx. 47 mins longer
The average radish, when placed correctly, is able to remain securely on a snowman’s face for approximately 47 minutes longer than the average carrot. For a melting snowman, that could be the difference between life and death.
Factor 3: NFS (Net Festiveness Score)
22% higher than that of a carrot
Possibly the most intriguing factor of all, is its NFS – or Net Festiveness Score. After rigorous tests, Dr Adish’s team found that being subjected to a radish (as opposed to a carrot) left test subjects feeling up to 15 per cent more jolly and a whopping 38 per cent warmer and fuzzier, leading to an overall NFS improvement of 22 per cent. Considering the carrot’s more traditional Christmas affiliation, these are truly remarkable numbers.
The carrot: A Christmas con?
I’m sure you’ll agree it’s fascinating stuff, and it leads us to another, more difficult question: why? If the radish really is the best option then why on earth have we been using carrots this whole time? Our research led us to a source who had a very intriguing theory indeed…
Our source. A red-nosed, antlered fellow who has asked for his identity to be kept anonymous for safety reasons.
Our source points the finger at none other than Father Christmas himself, who is accused of taking backhanders from leading carrot officials in order to keep carrots at the forefront of the public’s consciousness.
For legal reasons, we must state that this is all conjecture. When approached about the allegations, however, leading carrot officials declined to comment.
Christmas 2022 – A break from tradition?
So, where do we go from here? Well, that’s entirely up to you. Next time it snows, we all have a very important decision to make…
Will you decide to stick to the tried and tested and opt for yet another carrot nose?
Will you decide that, like us, you’d like to give a radish a go and see how it feels.
Or will you decide you’ve got no idea what on earth this blog is going on about?
Whichever it is, we’ll sign off with this…
A very Merry Christmas, from everyone at Digital Radish. We’ll see you in 2023!